Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Yesterday I went over to Cousin Kelly's house to play. She showed me how to make these beautiful decorative eggs by blowing them out and covering them in Japanese paper. I wish I had pictures, but I don't...

While I was there, we chatted about Jesse's acceptance to grad school and my ambivalence about applying. She was kind enough to be my sound board, and I made a decision. Yesterday I took the plunge. My application to Kent and my work sample are in, my transcripts are on their way, and my requests for letters of recommendation have been sent. If I do get in, then I'll have big decisions to make. But for right now, why limit myself, right?

Here was my reasoning (mostly for my own mind-purging purposes)

• I want to.
• We were worried that it would be a financial investment with no pay off, but if times get hard in the future, I would be much more qualified to help Jesse in that area with a Master's.
• Until we know more about our fertility situation, I don't want to limit my options.
• I think it would be difficult to work over there, as the program is divided into 3 4-month periods in England, then France, then England again.
• I want to see if I'd get in.

I hope everyone out there had a good week and will have an even better weekend. Anyone got any exciting plans for Halloween? I will be the official candy-hander-outer, which is just fine with me. Hopefully we'll get some pumpkin carving done today. I always miss my dad when I'm not around him at Halloween, as he is the best pumpkin carver in the known universe. As my sister and I got older, we helped with the carving, but mostly it was just fun to watch the strange grimaces Dad would create. Happy Halloween everybody!

My Infertile Girdle.

Today, oh today. I had my second day at work today. It went fine. Love my manager--very warm, yet direct person. Nice company. It's looking good, and I'm excited to go shopping tomorrow for boots and sweaters.

So this lady comes in, tries on some things, then comes out of the dressing room. My manager asks if everything worked, and the lady says yes, except for "this sweater, which shows my tummy rolls." OK, fair enough. She goes on: "You know, after you've had kids, no matter how hard you work, there is always that little roll that just won't go away. You can tell when someone's had kids--it changes your whole shape." Then she looks at me, and speaks to my manager: "She's obviously never had kids. So lucky." OK, I realize I should take that as a compliment. And I did. But when you're an Infertile Freddy like me, you just log these things in your brain. It's like, you don't have a baby to show for the years of work and dreaming and failure, so instead, you collect these little comments and pin them on like badges. (Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges.) And they don't go away. I wasn't really offended. I knew she didn't mean to be offensive. And neither did the friend who suggested that Heavenly Father knew I didn't "want it enough" or proclaimed that I didn't have enough faith. Or the regular who came into the restaurant I used to work at who saved up the money for in-vitro to have a second child, then decided to buy a boat instead. I think that's why they stick. Because they come from friends. Or in the grocery store. Or at work. They're unexpected and sometimes come when you least expect them to. Or worse, when you're looking for comfort and you open up, and then you're reminded that although the unthinking friend meant well, you really are alone in this. But anyway, like I said, I wasn't really offended. Oh, and I got some really great advice! I told her we'd been trying for a while (what can I say, I still want to be a part of this grouchy mommy club) and she told me that her husband is a physician, and to put cinnamon in everything I eat. (I didn't say what I was thinking: what is he, a podiatrist? ...Cinnamon??? Yeah, that'll open those fallopian tubes right up.)

I just got home from Young Women's, where I taught the girls how to make turnovers. OK, so I watched them have flour fights and never really got the chance to show them much, but I think they had fun. I really love my calling, even if I need to learn how to be a little more authoritative.

Time for bed and sleeeeeep.

Not Much to Report

As I'm using this blog as sort of a self-motivational tool, it's become sort of a daily habit. Well, today I don't have too much to report. Still happy--ecstatic--about Jesse's school news. I had my first day at work today, and I think it went pretty well. There were the usual I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing moments, but no disasters. After seeing how much cute stuff is in the store right now, I think it's going to be hard not to spend my paycheck there... Well, that's what employee discounts are for, right?

Right now, I'm trying to get up the gumption to go running. Actually, I'm really a fan of this "couch to 5K" program. There honestly hasn't been a day when I just plain didn't want to do my 30 minute walk/jog. So off I go.

Another Great Day at BYU-Idaho...or Spokane

Today was so awesome. We woke up early to have a lovely visit with Jesse's cousin Kelly. Then we met Neil at the glass shop to get his car window repaired and he took us out for sushi. (Then there were a few blah hours) and THEN...

We went online to check the status of Jesse's application to the University of Kent. We were very surprised to see that he has been given a conditional offer of acceptance! Our surprise was due to the fact that his application isn't complete--we've only turned in his application and transcripts. No letters of recommendation or work samples yet. The conditions of the offer are that he, of course, must send those, too. This was one of our favorite (or should I say favourite) programs, as it is a one-year master's program that takes place half in Canturbury, and half in Paris! So who knows if we'll be able to afford it, or if we'll decide to go somewhere else for some reason, or if we actually get pregnant and choose to complicate things further, or what, but hey! At least we know we have a direction to go! I'm so proud of Jesse, and so excited to finally have options!

I officially start work tomorrow from 9-1:00, and I'm a little nervous, but I think I'll do just fine.


Also, congratulations to Cam and Ryan on their new baby daughter!

Happy Day

Hooray! Today was a day of firsts! I ran 2 miles without stopping for the first time in my life! This is a kid who could barely pant through the mile in elementary school. I'm so excited for 3 weeks from now when I run my first three miles straight! Yaaay, much rejoicing.

Jesse and I also found a Filipino restaurant today, where I ate my first chiken adobo, which was delicious. Jesse had fun charming the old ladies with his fluent Cebuano. This was not a first.

And then, and then, and then! We went to a u-pick pumpkin patch/farm where we watched a pumpkin cannon shoot a pumpkin 900 yards! Definitely a first for me. We picked out pumpkins and apples and wandered through a hay bale maze. I cannot say how much I love Fall and harvesty, cozy things. Siiiigh. On a less euphoric note, we also got some of our student loan crap sorted out, so that's good.

And to wrap it all up, we ended the day with a session at the temple.

I told Jesse to make a Jack o' Lantern face. Pretty good.




Look at all these pumpkins! And there was another whole field!








Those pretty peachy pumpkins on my right are called cheese pumpkins. I'll have you know that I correctly identified them not by looking at the sign, but from a Martha Stewart article I read once. This was me being pleased with myself!




Pumpkin cannon.


People lined up to watch the launch.


Her name was Dolly. It musta been love...but it's over now.

Just some cute kids being cute kids in a straw maze.

Another one.

The bounty. Jesse's bounteous bottom.

The end.

I'm Hardcore! I Can Run Forever!

The title of this post was the text message I just sent to Jess at work. It's raining today, and I waited for it to quit so I could go running. Then I thought, whatever weather! So I plopped on one of Jesse's baseball caps and off I went. And it was the best run, ever! Today I was supposed to run 8 min, then walk 5, then run 8. Now, this may not sound impressive, but it's pretty good for a weenie like me. I started out going uphill, and I forgot to look at my watch to see when I was supposed to stop! Progress, people. It felt so good to be outside and a part of the fallness.

Thank You for My Thank you

Mmmm. No one in this house understands the wonder that is cold apple pie for breakfast. Oh well, more for me.

I was driving yesterday and saw one of those sweet old couples who walk around holding hands and you can't tell who's leaning on who--you know the ones. And I thought, as everyone does, I hope I look like that someday. And I realized, I already have that. It may be a while in the future, but I already have that completely covered.

I've been having trouble falling asleep lately. Last night, this time proved to be a quiet period to contemplate. After crawling into bed next to a sleeping husband, I thought about where we're going right now (like always). I don't want to waste this time. Even if we do have kids, I don't want to say, "Boy Honey, this is great, but those 2 + years before we had kids, sheesh, what a wretched time." I prayed that I might be who Heavenly Father wants me to be right now, and that I might be more grateful.

Then I was impressed to pray for my Young Women. I wished for them that they would remember whose daughters they are, how much power for good is on their side, and how it's ok to be young and innocent and special and different and happy and carefree once in a while. And then I remembered that just because I never was in "Young Women's" and I'm married now, that's who I am. I am one of those. And I lay there in the comfortable crack between our two pushed-together twin beds, with my Molly curled up on my left and my Jesse sleeping on my right, holding my hand. And I squeezed his hand, and without missing a single little snore, he squeezed back. And I was grateful. And that's how Heavenly Father answered my prayers last night.

Pie Crust Promises

Today was a cooking day! I've been craving apples lately, and today I stumbled upon a new pie crust recipe (thanks to some unknowing, yet nice looking lady in North Carolina and her foodie blog) that I decided I needed to try. So I assembled the crust--I have to say, I was a little skeptical before the dough was baked; it was much crumblier than my dough usually is--then went to the store to see what kind of apples I could get my hands on.

This is what I came home with. Ok, so I got a little carried away for one pie, but they all sounded so good. So into the pie went 5 Braeburns, 2 Granny Smiths, 1 Honeycrisp, 1 Golden Delicious, and 1 Fuji. I think Braeburns have the best flavor for pies, Granny Smiths add a tartness, Golden Delicious retain their texture the best, and the others added to the flavor profile.

Over the apple/sugar/cornstarch/cinnamon (I just spelled cinnamon right on the first try)/salt mixture, I poured two tablespoons of apple juice concentrate and cut up about 1 tablespoon of butter.

My faithful friends waited for me to drop something.

Then into the oven. Jesse often comes home to find me in this position in front of the oven:

(pie belly ^)

The new crust was pretty dang good, I have to say. A little richer than I'm used to, but very flavorful. Nice and flaky. Who doesn't like butter, right? If anyone's interested in the actual recipe, let me know.

A Productive Day

Hey, I finally got all the things done on my list for today! After cleaning the bathroom (am I the only one who actually looks forward to this?), our room, sorting paperwork and mail and laundry, running, paying bills, and getting ready for our Young Women's harvest party tonight, I am now researching grad schools and GRE test dates. Poor Jess is so stressed out about this whole process that he finally said this morning as he left for work, "Ok, you research places you might want to live, and that's how we'll choose." This is fine with me.

So here was my thought process: "Gee, we really love fall. It's a shame there are all these evergreens here. I'd love to see some nice fall colors. The east! The east has more fall colors. We should go to school in New England." Yes, some push toward their lofty academic goals with their eyes resolutely fixed on a school's reputation, cost, faculty, and expanding programs. Us? We like leaves. Well, follow what you love, right?

Thank Goodness!

Last night, my poor family saw how pitifully blah I've been lately, and my dear, sweet father-in-law told me to go see a doctor. He said not to worry about the bill, and that we should find out what's going on. I'm so humbled by this gesture and only hope he knows how grateful I am. We have an appointment three weeks from tomorrow with our awesome home teacher/OB/GYN. I'm not even going to worry about the potential awkwardness factor involved there. I'm not going to worry about anything. Because for now, this is enough. I'm sooo thankful.

Just Now

This is such a weird time in our lives. OK, here it is--my first spilling post. Prepare for a lot of random thoughts (not all positive) coming your way!

Jesse's been appyling to grad school. He was considering joining the airforce, but we really didn't feel right about it. A lot of the "perks" were very money- and insurance-related, and that's just not what we wanted to base our life direction on. I've been wondering if I should go back to school as well. The trouble is, I would just be killing time and racking up debt.

Jesse's going to be a wonderful teacher! I'm so glad we're going the right direction, but from this end of the road, it seems like such a long ways to go. 5-7 more years of being poor, baby-less students. But in the end, I know a lot of lives will be touched by Jesse's gift for teaching and connecting with young people.

(These blogs sometimes feel so selfish. But anyway, back to me...) This leaves me feeling a little lost. At my interview with Maurices last week, they asked me about my ultimate career goals. Of course, I gave the usual response of, "well, I'd love to write children's books, but that will, of course, be a side hobby, and I know I'll be here for at least a year and..." on and on. While the whole time, I was screaming inside my head, "Of course I don't want a career! I want to be a mom!" So what do I do for the next 5-7 years? Or longer, who knows? When I stop and think, I know what the answer should be. I should do those things I talk about. Write a children's book, or something. But it's hard to take pleasure in the things you're using to replace your real loves. Anway, I did get that job at Maurices, and who doesn't love 40% discounts on clothes? They seem like very nice people, too, so that's hopeful.

I think I'd feel much sunnier about things if we had some good friends here in good ol' Spokane. Jesse's family is wonderful, and we live near some great extended family, also. Our ward is full of very active, helpful people. We're very blessed right now, and we feel very taken care of. However, we're having a hard time connecting with people right now. We don't know any couples without kids. Our ward is made up of very nice, very well-off, mature families. Just like in our last three wards, we are the only childless couple. Jesse thinks (and is right, by the way) that I'm projecting, but sometimes I feel like we're not seen as a legitimate family. At least when we were in Rexburg, we could hang out with our amazing single friends and hide from all the couples with little babies.

Oh well, there are good days and bad days, right? And tomorrow will be a good day. I'll start work, and that'll give me a sense of accomplishment. For now, I guess I'm glad not many people know about this blog yet! As it is, it's probably a little too personal, and not very exciting.

To close on a positive note (if I'm gonna be personal), I want to share a little piece of my testimony. I had a really down month. I almost felt foggy all the time, and very confused about why we're here. And although I continued going to the temple, reading my scriptures, and teaching my little Beehive girls, I felt like I wasn't being comforted. I finally had a mini-breakdown (ok, maxi), and only after did I realize how wrong I'd been. I'd allowed my emotions complete control and had consequently given up some of my agency. Serious mists of darkness! But as soon as I realized this, I knew that keeping the commandments had protected me and eventually brought me around. I love this Gospel, and I know it brings joy and protection to our lives!

Here's to good days to come.

Today:

Here are some pics from last night's outing to Cyrus O'Leary's.
Sigh.

Welp, today's "ticking" focus was on cooking, and I succeeded in making Julia Child's Beouf Bourgiugnon. I started cooking at 2 p.m. and dinner was ready around 7, so whew! I was tired. Unfortunately, my cook-fest coincided with a certain time of the month, and Blades Firestormer was not a happy cramper--I mean camper... (boo...)

Anyway, I took some pictures of the proccess, but when all was said and done, I was too excited to eat to mess with taking a pretty picture of the end result. I thought about skipping some of Julia's steps (they're plentiful!) but I thought since this was my first time trying this recipe, I'd complete the whole dang marathon of a recipe, including sauteing the mushrooms and braising the onions separately (ok, ok, I sauted the onions, then shoved them in with the rest of the stew for the last hour). Well, the stew was scrumptious. The meal got rave reviews from the fam, thanks in part to Jesse's yummy mashed potatoes. Jesse's taters simmering away.

The bourguigion. Also simmering.

Can you tell who the photographer was?

Jud and Molly were hoping to get some of whatever they were smelling. Didn't pan out for the pooches.

In other news, I dyed my hair last night! It turned out a little redder than I'd hoped, but alas. Such is life.

Silly Thoughts

I know it's ridiculous that I've posted so much in less than 24 hours, but I think it's good.

So today, somewhere between sleep and awake, I had a funny thought that seemed so natural. I was still dreaming a little, but wondering what I'd do today. I imagined being the earth, and feeling what people were doing as they drove, walked, mowed, and jogged on my head (this seemed perfectly normal at the time). I (as the earth) decided that the people going about their lives felt to me like a wonderful head-scratching. This made me think, "well, whatever I decide to do today will be a good choice, and everwhere I walk or drive will be just fine, but I wonder if there is a particular spot that the earth would like scratched..."

And Back I Come...

Ok, so I walked outside to start my run, and it looks like it's snowing...but it's not! There are swarms of these little white gnat things. Too many to run! Too many to walk! I'm going to see if I can get a picture. Nope, my camera doesn't pick them up. But my hair does.

New plan: prepare to make Beouf Bourguignon for tomorrow.

Off I Go!

So I was inspired by Savannah and am doing a 5K training program called "couch to 5K." So far, it's been a great experience. Jesse started out with me, but I've been going on my own the past few weeks. I've never been a runner, but I actually find myself looking forward to my little outings. It helps that Neil lives in a great neighborhood with lots of big trees and nice houses. So this is week 5, with 5 more weeks to go. I've hopefully planned it so by the time we go on our Thanksgiving cruise, I'm running 3 miles easy-peasy. We'll see about that. Here's to self-improvement! Now if only I could convince my autumnal tummy to not want so much cozy food...

Adventures

I thought I'd post some pictures from the last couple months! (the exclamation point is necessary in conveying how excited I was when I figured out how to transfer pictures via memory card...)

This is my beautiful kitchen we left in Oregon. I made more pies in that kitchen than I have in any other space.

I think this was the last creation by Peggy's Pie... so sad. Also, Jesse packing up the office, as he promised he would do. He did a (surprisingly) good job.

Ahem, this is a typical night with the Thorson men.




We spent our anniversary (Sep 1st) cruising around in Neil's Miada, which was a blast. Our most unplanned anniversary yet, and the best, by far.

On our way up to Spokane, our wonderful Annie put us up for the night in Portland. It was great to visit with her and her mama.

And then, yay! Annie came to visit us in Spokane! There was much frolicking and rejoicing. We even got to all go see Fiddler on the Roof together with Topal (this is us dressed up for the show).

Molly joined in the frolicking at Moose Park.

Then it was off to wonderful Rexburg to drop off Annie-face at school. Next time I post pictures, there won't be quite a gaggle of them. Or profusion. Yeah, profusion of pictures.